18 July 2011

NOT-SO-FRIENDLY FACEBOOK POST MIGHT PROMPT DEBTORS TO PAY UP

DEAR SURLY, I loaned money to a couple of family members when I was overseas. They had fallen behind on their bills, so I sent them each $1,000 to get caught up.

It's two years later, and I have yet to see a dime from either one of them. I have sent them both letters asking to have 'some' money paid back; both sent me excuses about why they can't pay anything. However, on Facebook they write about how they went shopping, joined a gym and so on. I feel I have been taken advantage of. What can I do to get this settled? -- TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF IN MINNESOTA


TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF, people don't like to pay back money. What incentive do they have? Right now they have your money, gym memberships, shopping, etc.

What you need is an incentive for them. Be warned that some people will react badly to 'incentives'. Maybe you need to invoice them a couple hundred dollars a month, or reply to these facebook posts with "Glad you could make it to the gym while you've still got that debt to me."

Oh, and quit loaning people money.

DEAR SURLY, Do I have to stop wearing my wedding ring? My husband died three years ago. We had been married 53 years and 12 days. Abby, I pledged 'until death do us part.' I just can't seem to make myself take off the ring he put on my finger so many years ago.

I'm tired of being told that I 'have' to give up something so precious to me. Is there a time limit, or is it OK for me to go ahead with wearing the ring and ignore the people who pester me about taking it off? Maybe a time will come when I'll want to, but not now, not yet. Please give me some sound advice. -- ARIZONA WIDOW


WIDOW, No one has any authority to tell you to give up your ring. If you want to hold on to it, you go right on, and if someone 'pesters' you about it, I suggest you spit in her eye!

DEAR SURLY, I'm 15 years old, and I'm afraid to kiss! I won't date anyone because I'm afraid my kiss will suffer by comparison. I know no one becomes an expert without practice, but I don't want anyone to be my first kiss.

Several guys are into me, but I can't date them because eventually they'll want to kiss. It would be so embarrassing to be horrible at it. Any advice? -- TOO FREAKED OUT TO MAKE OUT


FREAKED OUT, Everyone remembers their first kiss, and everyone remembers it as much nicer or more horrific than it really was--but at age 15 you still have LOTS of time to get over it. There's no deadline, and no hurry. If you decide you do want to kiss, do it becuase you want to instead of supposed to.

See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20110718

14 July 2011

PASTOR WITHOUT COMPASSION NEEDS A COME-TO-JESUS TALK

DEAR SURLY, We have a problem -- our pastor. He uses the pulpit to criticize, put people down and offers no compassion. A person can only take so much.

The problem is, if you say anything to him, you can bet the next sermon will be about what you discussed. How can I talk to him without making him angry? -- ALL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE


FIRE AND BRIMSTONE, try reading the bible ... it sounds to me like your minister has a good understaning of what it's all about. If that doesn't appeal know you can't change him--but you can change churches.

DEAR SURLY, I have been dating 'Claude' for eight months. We are planning a trip in the fall to visit his family's chateau in France. Claude has long legs and refuses to travel in coach because it's uncomfortable, so he will buy a business-class ticket for himself and a coach ticket for me.

While I'm grateful Claude is paying for my ticket, I feel that since we're a couple, we should travel together. I don't want to be upgraded to business class necessarily, but I'd like him to sit in coach with me. When I brought this up, he refused and is now calling me 'ungrateful.'

My feelings are hurt, and Claude can't understand why I am upset. My friends and family think he is acting rude and selfish. I can't help but agree. Do I have a right to be upset? I am so uncomfortable with this arrangement that I'm considering not even going. -- NOT UNGRATEFUL IN SAN DIEGO


NOT UNGRATEFUL, you're ungrateful. I don't know how your relationship works, but he's buying you a plane ticket! To France! Sure, it's in coach, and not really ideal, but you're not the first passenger who doesn't get to sit next to your companion--odds are you will still enjoy the trip unless you get all pissy about this. Damnit, the flight is unpleasant and it won't much matter who you're beside. Take a few books to read, listen to some music, try to sleep. It won't matter where you sit.

DEAR SURLY, When my husband, 'Ken,' proposed three years ago, he had a steady job with an income twice as high as mine. He was laid off before our wedding, but we went ahead with the marriage. After our wedding, Ken was unemployed for another year before finally finding a minimum wage job. After one year at that job, he was fired. He has since found another minimum wage position.

I am a young teacher. We live in an expensive part of the country. We struggle every day to pay for groceries, gas and other essentials. I wasn't raised to expect many frills in life and I am frugal, but there are certain things I always assumed I would have -- a house of my own, children, a savings account. If I stay with Ken, I don't believe these things will ever be within my reach.

In all other ways, Ken is a wonderful man and I love him with all my heart. But is there ever a time when love isn't all you need? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN ASHEVILLE, N.C.


SECOND THOUGHTS, you're a shallow bitch. Do Ken a favor and dump him--maybe you can find a nice sugar daddy who will provide you with a house and bank account, and without you weighing him down maybe Ken will revive his will to live and get out of his employment rut.

See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20110713