VOLATILE SISTER HAS TO BE STOPPED BEFORE SHE HURTS SON

DEAR SURLY, I have a sister I love dearly. "Thea" is married to a wonderful man, and they have a 3-year-old son I love as if he were my own. My problem is Thea has a nasty, violent temper, and she doesn't hesitate to use it toward the boy. Recently when he was overtired and needed to go to bed, Thea said he "knows better than to push me by throwing a tantrum." She then threatened to "beat him bloody" if he didn't "shut up" and go to sleep. She had already swatted his behind to the point that he could no longer stand up. This feels like abuse to me. When I suggested that perhaps Thea should try to calm down before she hits him (more than she already had), she threw me out of her house! I am terrified that this may be happening more often than I realize. But what if what I witnessed was just an isolated incident? If I act on it, I may never have a relationship with my sister again. What (if anything) can I do? I'm worried for the safety of my nephew, but I don't want to cause a rift I can't mend. -- MIDWEST AUNTIE

Damnit! You first instinct it to write a letter? You should be buying a shotgun, or at least calling the police. That kid is in trouble, especially with family like you. Don't tell me you really didn't know slapping a kid until he couldn't stand might==maybe--be okay. Get a spine, and get that kid some help!

DEAR SURLY, My fiance, "Roger," died recently. I am working through the devastating grief of his passing, but the core of my pain was listening to the eulogies at his funeral. I expected Roger's friends and family to share happy memories and celebrate the best of his life. However, many of those who spoke -- including his granddaughter -- chose to remember him as a notorious womanizer both while his wife was alive and after her death. Stories were shared about how he constantly hit on much younger women, including his daughter's childhood friends. One "gentleman" even shared an "amusing" anecdote about how he and Roger found out they were sleeping with the same woman. I knew about Roger's past before he met me and I managed to come to terms with it, but I did not expect it to be brought up as entertainment at his memorial. I also thought it to be inappropriate with his late wife's family in attendance. Now my memories are tainted, and I feel dirty and used. I live 500 miles from Roger's home and will probably never see those people again. What can I do to get over this anger that continues to haunt me? -- STILL IN MOURNING

MOURNING, we all have traits that define us. You got enganged to a doosie of a trait. The only think that you have to be hurt about is how dumb you are for getting tangled up in him.

See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20110902