DEAR SURLY, My wife, 'Alana,' and I have been married for 14 years. In many ways our marriage is good, but our sex life is horrible. In my opinion, it has never been good. As time passes, I feel more and more anger toward her. Alana is attractive and physically fit; I don't understand her lack of desire. When the subject of sex comes up, it makes us both clam up.
I have been thinking of leaving her. We have become more like best friends than husband and wife. Our two boys would be crushed if we split. I have not -- and would never consider -- an affair. What do you think about this? -- TROUBLED HUSBAND IN MISSOURI
TROUBLED, you need to understand that sex isn't about penises and vaginias, it's about brains and mouthes. If you calm up about sex, you're sexually constipated. It sounds like you're in a hard spot, and it won't be easy to pull out of it. If you want to try there are a lot of things you can try; don't be limited by my imagination.
Go to the bookstore, and purchase some Byron and some tantric sex manuals. Put the manual on the bedstand and read to her from Byron. Then go about your normal stuff. See, such thoughts need to ripen. Drop innuendos and hints. Invest in rose petals. Eventually, if you're at all competent, she might show a spark of interest.
DEAR SURLY, I am going to be a sophomore in college next year. I played basketball in high school and was offered a full scholarship to play at the college I attend now. I played ball during my freshman year, and I do not want to do it again next year. My heart is no longer in it.
My biggest fear is letting my parents down. I know having my education paid for has helped them out, but don't I have a right to do what makes me happy? Please help me come up with a way to convince them that I'm making the right decision. -- DROPPING THE BALL IN IOWA
BALL, the heart goes in and out of things. If you have a scholarship though, that's special, and maybe you should stick to it just for that. Who knows, maybe your heart will return, and if not, you had to play some mundane ball for a scholarship--some sacrifice.
DEAR SURLY, I am writing to thank the schoolteachers, librarians and counselors who were kind to me when I was an at-risk child.
My mother was mentally ill, my father was absent, and the school was my haven. I often wish I could tell some of those adults who helped me along the way that I did make it, that I turned out OK, and that I'm so grateful for the little and big ways they intervened in my life.
To all who serve children: Please know that even very small kindnesses give hope and strength to the child who doesn't receive them elsewhere. -- TURNED OUT OK THANKS TO YOU
OK, make sure you do what you can to pay back Karma ... I think the people you're trying to reach would appriciate it almost as much as anyone you manage to help.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100603
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