Commandeered Dear Abby: HUSBAND IS DOG-TIRED OF BEING IGNORED BY WIFE

DEAR SURLY, I love my wife very much. I like giving her back rubs, massaging her feet, cuddling and kissing her. In return she does the same -- to her dog, 'Barkley.'

Barkley is the only one who benefits from her affections. The dog does nothing for me except allow me to pick up his droppings. What am I missing? -- DOGGONE PUZZLED IN CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA

DOGGONE, if you were to give this letter to your wife, one of two things would happen:

1) she'd go off on a litany of things she does for you, and you'd realize your an ungrateful sonuvabitch, or,

2) she'd let you know where you stand compared to the dog. In this case, you need to figure out if you're happy with your place on the totem. You can't do a lot to change her behavior, but you can decide if you want to put up with it.

DEAR SURLY, My husband, 'Brian,' has a terminal illness and only a few months more to live. We have been married four years. I fell out of love with him shortly after our wedding, and now he's sick. I'm his only caregiver.

Abby, sometimes I don't want to do it anymore. He has treated me badly and sometimes I hate him, but I want our 2-year-old daughter to know her father and have good memories. She can tell I'm not myself.

I know Brian has only a little time left, but I also know we would be happier and saner with him gone. I try to keep her away from him as much as I can because he goes off on her, too. I know my husband is angry because he's dying, but he has always been angry and had a bad temper. I try to be positive for our child, but it's difficult when you're being put down or ordered around all the time. What can I do? Just hang in there until it's over? I'm confused, lost, depressed, and I cry all the time. Please help. -- WANTS OUT IN SOUTH CAROLINA

WANTS OUT, he's dying, and you can't live with him. If you want your kid to spend time with him, set up some visits. Maybe your husband is embittered by his situation, but you can't change it. Besides, he's not in a position to be mad at you for long. Sure it's sad, and when he's gone you might feel some guilt, so you need to decide if suffering with him now is better than that future guilt, and from there you'll know what to do.

DEAR SURLY, When I started dating this guy, 'Mitch,' everything was great. We were happy and made each other laugh. After three months, he left me a message saying he had to go out of state for work and would call when he got to where he was going. All I got was silence. Days turned into weeks and eventually into five months. Even though I loved Mitch and he had claimed he loved me, I started to accept that things were over between us.

Just as I was getting over him, he called. He told me he still loves me and is sorry he hurt me. Something does not add up. He doesn't have a cell phone, so there's no way to reach him. When I call him at the number he gave me, he's never there. I care for him, but something is not sitting well. What should I do? -- MYSTIFIED IN BATH, PA.

MYSTIFIED, you need only listen to hear all you need ... it's not in what he's saying. His actions have told you that he doesn't want to be there when you call, but wants you there for his. Fool me once, shame on you ... fool me twice head in a vice.

See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100226