CHURCH TEACHER DODGING DATES SHOULD SAY 'NEVER ON SUNDAY'

DEAR SURLY, I am a 48-year-old single male. I teach an adult Sunday school class. Two women who have joined our group have made it plain they would like to have a romantic relationship with me.

I'm not sure how to handle this. I'd like to meet someone special, too, but I'm not certain this is the right way. Please advise. -- TROUBLED TEACHER IN THE SOUTH

TROUBLED, what the hell is wrong with you?! If you're spending time in a Sunday school, you will meet people there. Your interactions in that environment will be more in depth and meaningful then any you could muster if, say, you were to meet a stranger in the grocery and try to make a move. Plus, if you're in Sunday school and she/they is in Sunday school you have something in common. Of course this is the right way.

DEAR SURLY, We are a gay couple who have been together for 37 years. We were recently invited to the wedding of a close nephew in San Antonio. The invitation was addressed to us both, and we flew 5,000 miles to attend.

At the ceremony, my partner, 'Alan,' was seated in front with the groom's family. While we were being shown to our seats, I was told by the groom's father, 'Sorry. You can sit somewhere else.' Alan and I were deeply offended.

How should we express our displeasure and prevent this from happening again when the niece marries? Do we have a right to say anything? -- SNUBBED IN HONOLULU

SNUBBED, the Constitution gives you the right to complain. Funny that a family event like a wedding would split your family's seats ... find that father who said you couldn't sit there, and tell him that he's an insensitive prick. Weddings are about bringing family together, right? Don't take no for an answer, and be willing to rearrange chairs if it comes to that.

DEAR SURLY, My wife is a cancer survivor who is doing well. When a friend or relative learns she had cancer, a common response is, 'Yeah, I knew someone who had the same kind of cancer. It was awful. It came back six months later and he/she died an agonizing, terrible death.'

Abby, it's hard to remain polite around such thoughtless, moronic individuals when they blurt out something like this in my wife's presence. I can't imagine the fear she must experience hearing such remarks. Can you offer an effective retort? -- BAFFLED BY THE IGNORANCE

BAFFLED, you oughtn't be baffled. People are idiots. You can't stop them from saying stupid things like this, but you can ridicule them. Say "stories of other people's tragic reoccurrences of cancer are good for our states of mind, you rancid arsehole."

If you're very lucky, stupid people might stop talking to you altogether.

See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20110608