DEAR SURLY, I loaned money to a couple of family members when I was overseas. They had fallen behind on their bills, so I sent them each $1,000 to get caught up.
It's two years later, and I have yet to see a dime from either one of them. I have sent them both letters asking to have 'some' money paid back; both sent me excuses about why they can't pay anything. However, on Facebook they write about how they went shopping, joined a gym and so on. I feel I have been taken advantage of. What can I do to get this settled? -- TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF IN MINNESOTA
TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF, people don't like to pay back money. What incentive do they have? Right now they have your money, gym memberships, shopping, etc.
What you need is an incentive for them. Be warned that some people will react badly to 'incentives'. Maybe you need to invoice them a couple hundred dollars a month, or reply to these facebook posts with "Glad you could make it to the gym while you've still got that debt to me."
Oh, and quit loaning people money.
DEAR SURLY, Do I have to stop wearing my wedding ring? My husband died three years ago. We had been married 53 years and 12 days. Abby, I pledged 'until death do us part.' I just can't seem to make myself take off the ring he put on my finger so many years ago.
I'm tired of being told that I 'have' to give up something so precious to me. Is there a time limit, or is it OK for me to go ahead with wearing the ring and ignore the people who pester me about taking it off? Maybe a time will come when I'll want to, but not now, not yet. Please give me some sound advice. -- ARIZONA WIDOW
WIDOW, No one has any authority to tell you to give up your ring. If you want to hold on to it, you go right on, and if someone 'pesters' you about it, I suggest you spit in her eye!
DEAR SURLY, I'm 15 years old, and I'm afraid to kiss! I won't date anyone because I'm afraid my kiss will suffer by comparison. I know no one becomes an expert without practice, but I don't want anyone to be my first kiss.
Several guys are into me, but I can't date them because eventually they'll want to kiss. It would be so embarrassing to be horrible at it. Any advice? -- TOO FREAKED OUT TO MAKE OUT
FREAKED OUT, Everyone remembers their first kiss, and everyone remembers it as much nicer or more horrific than it really was--but at age 15 you still have LOTS of time to get over it. There's no deadline, and no hurry. If you decide you do want to kiss, do it becuase you want to instead of supposed to.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20110718
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