DEAR SURLY, We have a problem -- our pastor. He uses the pulpit to criticize, put people down and offers no compassion. A person can only take so much.
The problem is, if you say anything to him, you can bet the next sermon will be about what you discussed. How can I talk to him without making him angry? -- ALL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE
FIRE AND BRIMSTONE, try reading the bible ... it sounds to me like your minister has a good understaning of what it's all about. If that doesn't appeal know you can't change him--but you can change churches.
DEAR SURLY, I have been dating 'Claude' for eight months. We are planning a trip in the fall to visit his family's chateau in France. Claude has long legs and refuses to travel in coach because it's uncomfortable, so he will buy a business-class ticket for himself and a coach ticket for me.
While I'm grateful Claude is paying for my ticket, I feel that since we're a couple, we should travel together. I don't want to be upgraded to business class necessarily, but I'd like him to sit in coach with me. When I brought this up, he refused and is now calling me 'ungrateful.'
My feelings are hurt, and Claude can't understand why I am upset. My friends and family think he is acting rude and selfish. I can't help but agree. Do I have a right to be upset? I am so uncomfortable with this arrangement that I'm considering not even going. -- NOT UNGRATEFUL IN SAN DIEGO
NOT UNGRATEFUL, you're ungrateful. I don't know how your relationship works, but he's buying you a plane ticket! To France! Sure, it's in coach, and not really ideal, but you're not the first passenger who doesn't get to sit next to your companion--odds are you will still enjoy the trip unless you get all pissy about this. Damnit, the flight is unpleasant and it won't much matter who you're beside. Take a few books to read, listen to some music, try to sleep. It won't matter where you sit.
DEAR SURLY, When my husband, 'Ken,' proposed three years ago, he had a steady job with an income twice as high as mine. He was laid off before our wedding, but we went ahead with the marriage. After our wedding, Ken was unemployed for another year before finally finding a minimum wage job. After one year at that job, he was fired. He has since found another minimum wage position.
I am a young teacher. We live in an expensive part of the country. We struggle every day to pay for groceries, gas and other essentials. I wasn't raised to expect many frills in life and I am frugal, but there are certain things I always assumed I would have -- a house of my own, children, a savings account. If I stay with Ken, I don't believe these things will ever be within my reach.
In all other ways, Ken is a wonderful man and I love him with all my heart. But is there ever a time when love isn't all you need? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN ASHEVILLE, N.C.
SECOND THOUGHTS, you're a shallow bitch. Do Ken a favor and dump him--maybe you can find a nice sugar daddy who will provide you with a house and bank account, and without you weighing him down maybe Ken will revive his will to live and get out of his employment rut.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20110713
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