Commandeered Dear Abby: NAKED 9-YEAR-OLD MAKES HIS SISTER'S LIFE DIFFICULT

DEAR SURLY, My brother is 9 and still walks around naked. I have asked 'Josh' repeatedly to put on some clothes, but he blows me off and flaunts himself around the house.

My mother is no help. When I ask her to talk to him, she laughs and says, 'Boys will be boys.' Abby, I'm 13 and it is starting to freak me out. Am I being paranoid, or am I right to want him to put on a pair of boxers or something? -- OLDER SISTER IN MCALLEN, TEXAS

OLDER SISTER, grow a pair. Naked is only naked. We're born naked, we'll die naked, and if we're lucky lots of naked in between. Sure, you're at that 'tender age', but you have to accept reality. Don't let bare skin strip you of your senses. Accept that we're all naked, and learn to respect it, deal with it, and stop being prudish about it. You'll be better off.

Odds are he's loitering in the buff just to bother you, so if you don't let it get under your proverbial skin, his motivation will diminish.

DEAR SURLY, My ex-mother-in-law died unexpectedly three weeks ago. We were very close, and I handled most of the arrangements. She left no will, so my ex-husband and I did our best to provide what we thought she would have wanted.

We chose to have Mom cremated, but decided to have a short open viewing at the funeral home for her grandchildren's benefit. We wanted them to realize Grandma was no longer in her body.

This morning I was shocked to receive a phone call from the funeral parlor saying they have received a letter from one of Mom's co-workers, expressing that she felt the viewing was disrespectful and in bad taste. Abby, we chose to display her body on a table with blankets. We didn't think spending hundreds of dollars for a coffin for the four-hour viewing was justified, nor did we think Mom would have wanted us to do that. Was it inappropriate? -- SLAPPED IN THE FACE IN MONTANA

SLAPPED IN THE FACE, why would the funeral parlor call you?! You're absolutely right that there is no need to spend hundreds on a coffin to be used for 2 hours. There is no disrespect in laying the deceased on a table (unless you're going to eat her). Some people do have weird ideas about death, and people do look for any reason to be offended, but if such a person did call the funeral parlor, why didn't they just handle the complaint? You sure they didn't just send this to you so the next death you won't be so thrifty?

You can't please all the people all the time.

DEAR SURLY, I work for a nonprofit organization, and once a month we convene early in the morning for a staff meeting. To make up for the fact that we are meeting earlier than usual, departments take turns providing breakfast. This has turned into a contest to see who can bring the most elaborate breakfast.

Frankly, it's all I can do to get breakfast on the table for my own family without the added pressure of having to provide something for my 'work family.' The one-upmanship and back-stabbing is bad enough without having to become Martha Stewart in the process. Please comment. -- EGGS-ASPERATED IN NEW YORK

Despite the implication of the name, it takes a plural to one-up. The solution is to just not participate. When your turn comes, hand everyone a can of SlimFast, and mutter how "some of you guys really need this".

See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100407