Commandeered Dear Abby: TEENAGER FEELS UNSETTLED BY BOYFRIEND'S ROVING EYE

DEAR SURLY, I'm 17 and have been dating 'Raymond' for two years. The thing that concerns me is we aren't supposed to be attracted to other people, but I think he is. During arguments he has thrown other girls in my face. That really hurt, and I can't get over it.

I think he's attracted to other girls, but he doesn't want me to be attracted to other guys. Can you please give me some advice? I'd really like to know what's going on inside his head. Are his eyes for me only? -- TEEN IN MERCED, CALIF.

TEEN, you're both always going to be 'attracted' to other people. It's just normal biology. It's really a matter of what you do about it. In this case, it seems you are repressing those attractions in favor of a stable relationship--and that's fine, that's what monogamy is all about.

Nevertheless, it seems your longtime boyfriend may be a smidge controlling. He's comparing you to other potential mates and 'throwing them in your face'. (By the way, if he's literally doing that, he might be jockeying for a threesome.) At the same time, you're not supposed to acknowledge other potential mates--this seems more than a little unfair, and you should address it.

My advise in addressing this imbalance is to dump him. You're just a kid! You need to get out there and try on some other shoes before you run the marathon!

DEAR SURLY, My husband, 'Russ,' and I have been married 13 years. During that time he has lost more than 15 jobs for various reasons -- tardiness, not performing up to par, etc. I finally was able to convince him to get tested when I noticed he was having difficulty paying attention. He was diagnosed with ADHD, and they said he has an IQ of about 80.

I am working on my doctorate. I hold a job with other wives whose husbands have 'great jobs,' and I sometimes don't know what to say about Russ. He's a good person, very loving and tries his best, but honestly, I do get frustrated and have a little bit of 'husband envy.'

Russ is 50 and we have no children. How do I come to grips with the fact that he may never be a provider? -- CHALLENGED IN NEW YORK

CHALLENGED, most everybody has husband envy from time to time. You're just letting yours get the best of you. When you married, you had to know that Russ wasn't the meatiest taco in the fiesta, but you married him anyway. Maybe you thought is inability to focus was spontaneity, and you liked it. Now you call it something else, and it's not so good.

He won't be a provider. You seem to be able to provide for yourself though, so you don't need him to be. Do you just want him to work so you can be lazy? Not going to happen. Just focus on what you do have, and ether be happy with it, or dump it at the curb and be lonely. Your call.

See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100612