Commandeered Dear Abby: WIFE CONCEALS LATE HUSBAND'S FEET OF CLAY FOR SAKE OF KIDS

DEAR SURLY, My friends and neighbors thought I had the best husband, and our children thought he was the greatest dad. But on the day he died, I found out he had been having sex with another woman.

I went to visit him in the hospital and overheard the whole thing as he was talking to her. Abby, she was a prostitute. I knew money had been disappearing, but I never imagined anything like this.

Should I go on pretending to my adult children, or tell them the truth? They thought he was the best father in the whole world. Even though this happened more than five years ago, I continue to have nightmares over it. -- STILL HURTING IN BOSTON

HURTING, I'm a believer that the truth will set you free, but in this case the truth serves no greater purpose. If some good would come of airing this dirty laundry, I'd go for it, but it seems too late and all that would happen is that you'd be free of this secret at the cost of everyone else's feelings.

My advice, see a shrink and keep it to yourself. It's best for everyone but you.

DEAR SURLY, I am a 76-year-old father of three sons and grandfather of five. The other night, I was dining out with my brother, one of my sons, his 31-year-old wife, and their two children, ages 5 and 2.

The server was standing next to me and the 5-year-old, poised to take our orders. My daughter-in-law was distracted by the 2-year-old, so I placed my order so the server would not be kept standing there.

My son chastised me for not waiting until his wife placed her order first. Embarrassed, I offered an apology. Was I wrong not to wait for my daughter-in-law to place her order? What would have been the proper thing to do? -- EMBARRASSED IN GARFIELD, N.J.

EMBARRASSED, Emily Post says you should wait upon the lady, but this is the 21st century, and efficiency trumps manners. You were efficient, and the server likely thanks you for it.

DEAR SURLY, The company where I work posted an ad online and at our state unemployment job board for a position that needed to be filled. The ad detailed simple but specific instructions that included asking applicants to write a cover letter to address certain questions. It also said -- in large letters: 'YOU MUST FOLLOW THESE DIRECTIONS OR YOU WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED FOR EMPLOYMENT.'

Of the 133 resumes we received, 76 did not contain the information that was requested. These applications were moved to an 'Incomplete' file and not considered for hire. What's sad is that judging by their resumes alone, several of these applicants had the qualifications we were looking for.

With unemployment being what it is, I was surprised that the majority of the applicants did not comply with the simple instructions. Please advise your unemployed readers that a job is out there for them, but they must follow instructions. -- TRYING TO BE HELPFUL, TUMWATER, WASH.

HELPFUL, mundane, pointless directions aren't helpful. If you want to get the right person for the job, you may not want to make applicants jump through bureaucratic hoops. Sure, applicants who can follow mindless instructions is a desirable trait in some environments, but think of how this reflects on you. You're a sod for throwing out good candidates because they don't do as you say. Maybe one day you'll need someone to point out when you're wrong about something ... I mean other than today.

See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100602