Commandeered Dear Abby: WOMAN FEARS BEING WATCHED BY GHOSTS OF HER LOVED ONES

DEAR SURLY, I am in my 40s and have never lost anyone close to me. Unfortunately, my darling mother-in-law has terminal cancer. I am now preoccupied that people's spirits are near us after they die.

Please don't laugh, but it gives me the creeps. I don't want to think my mother-in-law will watch me making love with my husband, that my father will watch me in the bathroom, or that my mother will be critical of my spending more time with my kids than cleaning the house as she did.

Am I crazy to think I might not have any privacy after my loved ones die? -- SPOOKED IN SPOKANE

SPOKANE, you're crazy. Stories of ghosts and spirits are filed under "unexplained" because when all is said and done, they are antidotal or weird things that happen without explanation. We can split atoms and put school-bus sized satellites in space, but we can't find evidence of spirits. You may as well stay up worrying about other things that lack evidence; things like UFOs, the Lock Ness Monster, or honest politicians.

If you can't do it on your own, get help, but you need to get acquainted with reality.

DEAR SURLY, I have a question regarding gift giving. If you receive a gift of clothing (with a receipt) from someone and the garment doesn't fit, is it your responsibility to exchange it, or should you return it to the gift-giver, explain that it's the wrong size and ask the person to return it?

I gave my sister an outfit that didn't fit her. She immediately gave the gift back and asked me to return it. -- LORI IN FOUNTAIN VALLEY, CALIF.

FOUNTAIN VALLEY, if you'd get the perfect gift the first time, you wouldn't have to worry about it. As is, I say "who cares?!" A gift is supposed to show that you care, and if you do, you shouldn't mind taking it back, but since you got all riled up enough to write a letter, I assume you don't care enough to put it a little effort. It's okay to not care, but in that case you should really just skip the gift altogether.

DEAR SURLY, A friend of more than 40 years, 'Myra,' delivered a letter to my physician outlining her observations of what she claims were 'changes' in me. I was called into my doctor's office to respond.

Myra has also told me I should see a psychiatrist. I am disappointed that a friend would say these things about me, and I don't think she should have contacted my doctor without telling me. I have asked others if they have noticed any dramatic changes in me and no one else has.

Myra may have my best interests at heart, but I am upset about this, to say the least. Am I wrong to feel that she has overstepped her boundaries? -- PERFECTLY FINE IN OHIO

PERFECTLY FINE, there is no difference between what you say and what a person with a brain tumor would say. When the brain goes on the fritz, you can't always tell because your means of measuring your well being are off too. Maybe she should have talked to you first, or maybe she did and you either brushed it off or don't remember. I find that if you have a friend good enough to watch out for you, you shouldn't get upset when they worry a little too much.

See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100604