DEAR SURLY, I have been overly neat since I was in middle school. I am now in college and feel I have reached the breaking point because I'm such a neat freak. I love having everything neat and tidy, but I now spend less time being a 22-year-old and more time cleaning, scrubbing and organizing.
I can't sleep if I know there is clutter somewhere in the apartment. I have passed up going out with friends if my apartment isn't perfect. Everything has a place and a label. It's getting tiring because I realize I haven't had any good wholesome fun in a long time. I wish I could relax and be OK with clutter like everyone else, instead of wasting my life cleaning. Any advice? -- OVERLY ORGANIZED IN TEXAS
ORGANIZED, we all have quirks. Problems begin at the point when our quirks interfere with the ability to lead a normal life. You should be able to look back and see that point somewhere behind you. Don't misunderstand, tidy is nice, but a life uncluttered is the sign of a deranged mind.
You can get help. Get a high maintenance girlfriend and a demanding job. Take a job in the retail industry. After a full load of people wanting you to clean up after them, I can assure you you'll decide that tidy isn't worth all the investment. Especially when it's so fleeting.
DEAR SURLY, I'm a 20-year-old female who has been dating my boyfriend, 'Will,' for three years. Our long-distance relationship was going along just fine until the topic of his 21st birthday came up recently. Will mentioned in passing that he's planning on going to a strip club with friends to celebrate this momentous birthday.
Will says he just likes to look at women, that all men do and it's completely fine. He didn't seem to care how I felt about it. His mind was already made up. He wants me to be more accepting of who he is, but it turns my stomach to think of him hanging out at a strip club.
Is a young man in a committed relationship going to a strip club to drink and view naked women 'normal'? Should I not take this so personally? Or am I right to see this as a lack of commitment to me? -- OFFENDED IN FORT COLLINS, COLO.
OFFENDED, normal is as normal does, and in our era this is pretty normal. Most of Western Society is built on naked or mostly naked ladies.
You wouldn't be the only girl offended by his escapade, however, so do as so many do: expect better. And if he can't give it to you, then you know what to do.
DEAR SURLY, I am 42 years old and being married for the first time in October. My parents divorced more than 20 years ago and both remarried. My father will walk me down the aisle.
Dad lost my stepmother two years ago, and is still having a hard time with it emotionally. Because of my age, I don't expect anything from my parents except their emotional support.
If it's all right with my parents, do you think it would be appropriate to put on the invitations, 'In lieu of gifts, please make a donation to the American Cancer Society in memory of (my stepmother's name)'? -- LOVING DAUGHTER IN ARLINGTON, TEXAS
LOVING DAUGHTER, "all right"?! Hell, that's kick ass. If you don't need the stuff, you know that there are people who do. Way to lend a hand, and I applaud you for it.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100423
23 April 2010
20 April 2010
Commandeered Dear Abby: TEENAGER'S PUPPY LOVE DELIVERS A PAINFUL BITE
DEAR SURLY, I'm 13, and my 'first kiss' just broke up with me. My dad says it's just puppy love, which may be true, but I have a feeling that I need to be with him. What hurts even more is he had a new girlfriend the next day.
I have tried moving on, but I don't think I want to. I want to try to get back with him, but I don't know how. Can you help me? -- ACHING HEART IN IOWA
ACHING HEART, the only difference between a kid (you) and an adult is experience. I think we've all experienced that first, awkward romance that we aren't equipped to handle, ergo, most of us understand what you're going through. And that feeling you have that no one understands you ... we understand that too. It's okay. You're 13 and more flexible than you realize. You don't need to be with this guy. Just learn from the experience, and inevitably you will move on. Trust me.
If it makes you feel better, someday he'll feel the same way too. Revenge mayn't be noble, but it's funny.
DEAR SURLY, Would you please print this to educate your readers about something I witness every summer -- parents encouraging little kids to take native wildlife.
I watched a 6-year-old girl show off the two palm-sized baby turtles her dad had 'given' her from the lake, and put them into a plastic container to take home. Abby, they were snapping turtles! Mom won't be pleased when those 'pets' snap a finger.
Then there was the mom who thought it would be fun for her 7-year-old boy to play with a few frogs in their dry, dense, sun-drenched backyard. Within an hour, the amphibians had escaped and, best guess is, they died and became dehydrated, sun-dried critters or dog food.
Not only is it illegal to take wildlife on a whim, but it's also selfish. At a time when we're already damaging our planet for our recreational pastimes, we need to be teaching our kids that living beings are not toys, but rather a valuable part of natural ecosystems. It's so much more fun to observe and learn from a turtle swimming free in the lake. Please urge parents to stop being so thoughtless, or they may end up with a ticket or a missing digit. -- WILDLIFE PRESERVER IN LAFAYETTE, COLO.
WILDLIFE, people are pricks. We have entitlement issues, and there's no way I can write a note to tell everyone to leave everything the fuck alone. Better would be to speak up when you hear it. Nothing like a little confrontation to drill ideas into people.
DEAR SURLY, How do you attract single women while on a budget? -- GARY IN LONGWOOD, FLA.
GARY, you're only hope is great abs.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100420
I have tried moving on, but I don't think I want to. I want to try to get back with him, but I don't know how. Can you help me? -- ACHING HEART IN IOWA
ACHING HEART, the only difference between a kid (you) and an adult is experience. I think we've all experienced that first, awkward romance that we aren't equipped to handle, ergo, most of us understand what you're going through. And that feeling you have that no one understands you ... we understand that too. It's okay. You're 13 and more flexible than you realize. You don't need to be with this guy. Just learn from the experience, and inevitably you will move on. Trust me.
If it makes you feel better, someday he'll feel the same way too. Revenge mayn't be noble, but it's funny.
DEAR SURLY, Would you please print this to educate your readers about something I witness every summer -- parents encouraging little kids to take native wildlife.
I watched a 6-year-old girl show off the two palm-sized baby turtles her dad had 'given' her from the lake, and put them into a plastic container to take home. Abby, they were snapping turtles! Mom won't be pleased when those 'pets' snap a finger.
Then there was the mom who thought it would be fun for her 7-year-old boy to play with a few frogs in their dry, dense, sun-drenched backyard. Within an hour, the amphibians had escaped and, best guess is, they died and became dehydrated, sun-dried critters or dog food.
Not only is it illegal to take wildlife on a whim, but it's also selfish. At a time when we're already damaging our planet for our recreational pastimes, we need to be teaching our kids that living beings are not toys, but rather a valuable part of natural ecosystems. It's so much more fun to observe and learn from a turtle swimming free in the lake. Please urge parents to stop being so thoughtless, or they may end up with a ticket or a missing digit. -- WILDLIFE PRESERVER IN LAFAYETTE, COLO.
WILDLIFE, people are pricks. We have entitlement issues, and there's no way I can write a note to tell everyone to leave everything the fuck alone. Better would be to speak up when you hear it. Nothing like a little confrontation to drill ideas into people.
DEAR SURLY, How do you attract single women while on a budget? -- GARY IN LONGWOOD, FLA.
GARY, you're only hope is great abs.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100420
16 April 2010
Commandeered Dear Abby: MAN WITH SAILOR'S MOUTH ROCKS THE BOAT AT HOME
DEAR SURLY, I have been married for seven years to a man who curses something awful. We have three children, and he curses at them, too, when he's angry. I'm afraid his verbal abuse is destroying our children's self-esteem, and I have asked him repeatedly to stop it. I even threatened to leave if he doesn't clean up his act.
When he swears, it sends shivers up my spine and I get angry. We used to have heated arguments, but I have learned to watch my mouth. I thought he would get the idea if I set an example, but he didn't even notice.
He was in the Navy, and for a long time he blamed his cursing on his time in the military. Well, he has been out for 12 years now and that excuse is a little tired. I have made plans to leave him and will stick with my decision unless he's willing to make a serious effort to control his mouth. In the meantime, what do you suggest I do? I've tried everything -- even prayer. -- READY TO WALK IN VIRGINIA
READY TO WALK, cussing is a form of communication. I find that excessive cussing springs from a mouth with no adequate means of expressing itself. You can do absolutely nothing to change another person's behavior--not even prayer! You can walk, or you could try some things that might make him really realize what he's doing. Next time he takes a tirade on a kid, point out to the kid (with husband in full earshot) that the language is merely a fool's way of expressing frustration, and a small man's way to make other's feel low. Learn from his bad example.
P.S. I'm shocked, SHOCKED that prayer didn't work ... it works for everything else.
DEAR SURLY, I have a delicate problem. My boss's wife wears a very strong perfume. Every time she walks into the office, I get a headache and feel nauseated for hours. I am allergic to perfume, and women do not seem to understand that while they 'think' they smell good, they are really making me sick.
When the boss's wife comes in, I try to stay in my office, but the smell is so overpowering I can't escape. How should I handle this? -- HOLDING MY BREATH IN TALLADEGA, ALA.
HOLDING MY BREATH, toughen up. You might tell your boss that his wife makes you ill. For it, he may speak to her, may fire you, or most likely, do nothing. You could get the message across by seeing her, smiling, pulling a respirator mask out of your drawer, and putting it on in front of her.
DEAR SURLY: I have been dating 'Carolyn' for about a year. We are both in our 50s and have talked about marriage in the future.
Before we met, Carolyn had profiles on two dating sites -- not as a paid member, but just as someone who could look around without being able to send or receive messages.
I have asked her to delete these profiles now that we have reached the one-year mark. She says I shouldn't be concerned, that she's just interested in reading about other peoYle. She insists she wants to be only with me and isn't looking to go out with anyone else.
Abby, this doesn't sit well with me. What do you think? -- EXCLUSIVELY HERS IN PENNSYLVANIA
EXCLUSIVE, I think that voyeurism has supplanted baseball and apple pie as the national pastime. She could very well like that peek into stranger's personal lives. I think that you need to calm down and figure if you're going to marry, this is the type of thing you will have to deal with.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100416
When he swears, it sends shivers up my spine and I get angry. We used to have heated arguments, but I have learned to watch my mouth. I thought he would get the idea if I set an example, but he didn't even notice.
He was in the Navy, and for a long time he blamed his cursing on his time in the military. Well, he has been out for 12 years now and that excuse is a little tired. I have made plans to leave him and will stick with my decision unless he's willing to make a serious effort to control his mouth. In the meantime, what do you suggest I do? I've tried everything -- even prayer. -- READY TO WALK IN VIRGINIA
READY TO WALK, cussing is a form of communication. I find that excessive cussing springs from a mouth with no adequate means of expressing itself. You can do absolutely nothing to change another person's behavior--not even prayer! You can walk, or you could try some things that might make him really realize what he's doing. Next time he takes a tirade on a kid, point out to the kid (with husband in full earshot) that the language is merely a fool's way of expressing frustration, and a small man's way to make other's feel low. Learn from his bad example.
P.S. I'm shocked, SHOCKED that prayer didn't work ... it works for everything else.
DEAR SURLY, I have a delicate problem. My boss's wife wears a very strong perfume. Every time she walks into the office, I get a headache and feel nauseated for hours. I am allergic to perfume, and women do not seem to understand that while they 'think' they smell good, they are really making me sick.
When the boss's wife comes in, I try to stay in my office, but the smell is so overpowering I can't escape. How should I handle this? -- HOLDING MY BREATH IN TALLADEGA, ALA.
HOLDING MY BREATH, toughen up. You might tell your boss that his wife makes you ill. For it, he may speak to her, may fire you, or most likely, do nothing. You could get the message across by seeing her, smiling, pulling a respirator mask out of your drawer, and putting it on in front of her.
DEAR SURLY: I have been dating 'Carolyn' for about a year. We are both in our 50s and have talked about marriage in the future.
Before we met, Carolyn had profiles on two dating sites -- not as a paid member, but just as someone who could look around without being able to send or receive messages.
I have asked her to delete these profiles now that we have reached the one-year mark. She says I shouldn't be concerned, that she's just interested in reading about other peoYle. She insists she wants to be only with me and isn't looking to go out with anyone else.
Abby, this doesn't sit well with me. What do you think? -- EXCLUSIVELY HERS IN PENNSYLVANIA
EXCLUSIVE, I think that voyeurism has supplanted baseball and apple pie as the national pastime. She could very well like that peek into stranger's personal lives. I think that you need to calm down and figure if you're going to marry, this is the type of thing you will have to deal with.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100416
09 April 2010
Commandeered Dear Abby: GRANDMA'S LATE NIGHTS TAKE THEIR TOLL ON HER GRANDKIDS
DEAR SURLY, My sister 'Carole's' husband died a year ago, and her oldest daughter passed away four months later. Carole now has her daughter's two oldest children, ages 10 and 14.
Carole has been going out with men she meets on the Internet, drinking and partying on weekends and neglecting the kids. The 10-year-old had been receiving psychological help since before her mom died and was on medication, but Carole has dropped all of this help for the child. The girl had been molested by a relative years ago, and now with her mother gone, she's not moving forward in school or in life.
Some of us are willing to take the children from her. She seems not to care what happens to them. She devotes all her attention to the next guy she can be with. She has left the kids alone all night when she was spending the night with men. I'm not supposed to know this, but my adult niece found out from the kids. What can our family do to bring Carole back to earth and help these kids? -- DEEPLY CONCERNED IN PENNSYLVANIA
CONCERNED, Carole has her own problems, and isn't in a position to help those kids. Don't ask Carole to had them over, take them. Of course, do so legally, and that will take a while. In the meantime make sure there are lines of communications to the kids, and make sure they're getting what you can provide. Also, don't be afraid to fight dirty. When kids are in trouble, you have to fight to win, and to hell with hurt feelings. Go.
DEAR SURLY, My son was killed in a car accident five years ago. His wife, who was pregnant at the time, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a few months later.
Last month, I received a phone call from a woman we barely know who told me -- very politely -- that she had a 'surprise' for me. She then informed me that I have another grandchild, a little girl! She claims my son got her granddaughter pregnant six years ago, and that she had the DNA checked to prove my son was the father. Needless to say, my wife and I were floored.
Abby, I don't know how to react. My wife, who is level-headed, told me not to react right now and to think things through. Do I go to this grandchild with open arms? It doesn't feel right. The child's mother has not reached out to us at all. I need your help. -- MAN WITH NO PLAN IN NEW YORK
MAN WITH NO PLAN, your wife is wise. Think before reacting. I would purpose conducting your own DNA test to confirm her story, and assuming that it's sound, then why should you deny this kid, who had no part in your son's philandering, access to her grandparents? You should consider meeting her at least. If that's too abrupt, trade some emails first or something, but family is family, no matter how they came to be.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100409
Carole has been going out with men she meets on the Internet, drinking and partying on weekends and neglecting the kids. The 10-year-old had been receiving psychological help since before her mom died and was on medication, but Carole has dropped all of this help for the child. The girl had been molested by a relative years ago, and now with her mother gone, she's not moving forward in school or in life.
Some of us are willing to take the children from her. She seems not to care what happens to them. She devotes all her attention to the next guy she can be with. She has left the kids alone all night when she was spending the night with men. I'm not supposed to know this, but my adult niece found out from the kids. What can our family do to bring Carole back to earth and help these kids? -- DEEPLY CONCERNED IN PENNSYLVANIA
CONCERNED, Carole has her own problems, and isn't in a position to help those kids. Don't ask Carole to had them over, take them. Of course, do so legally, and that will take a while. In the meantime make sure there are lines of communications to the kids, and make sure they're getting what you can provide. Also, don't be afraid to fight dirty. When kids are in trouble, you have to fight to win, and to hell with hurt feelings. Go.
DEAR SURLY, My son was killed in a car accident five years ago. His wife, who was pregnant at the time, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a few months later.
Last month, I received a phone call from a woman we barely know who told me -- very politely -- that she had a 'surprise' for me. She then informed me that I have another grandchild, a little girl! She claims my son got her granddaughter pregnant six years ago, and that she had the DNA checked to prove my son was the father. Needless to say, my wife and I were floored.
Abby, I don't know how to react. My wife, who is level-headed, told me not to react right now and to think things through. Do I go to this grandchild with open arms? It doesn't feel right. The child's mother has not reached out to us at all. I need your help. -- MAN WITH NO PLAN IN NEW YORK
MAN WITH NO PLAN, your wife is wise. Think before reacting. I would purpose conducting your own DNA test to confirm her story, and assuming that it's sound, then why should you deny this kid, who had no part in your son's philandering, access to her grandparents? You should consider meeting her at least. If that's too abrupt, trade some emails first or something, but family is family, no matter how they came to be.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100409
07 April 2010
Commandeered Dear Abby: NAKED 9-YEAR-OLD MAKES HIS SISTER'S LIFE DIFFICULT
DEAR SURLY, My brother is 9 and still walks around naked. I have asked 'Josh' repeatedly to put on some clothes, but he blows me off and flaunts himself around the house.
My mother is no help. When I ask her to talk to him, she laughs and says, 'Boys will be boys.' Abby, I'm 13 and it is starting to freak me out. Am I being paranoid, or am I right to want him to put on a pair of boxers or something? -- OLDER SISTER IN MCALLEN, TEXAS
OLDER SISTER, grow a pair. Naked is only naked. We're born naked, we'll die naked, and if we're lucky lots of naked in between. Sure, you're at that 'tender age', but you have to accept reality. Don't let bare skin strip you of your senses. Accept that we're all naked, and learn to respect it, deal with it, and stop being prudish about it. You'll be better off.
Odds are he's loitering in the buff just to bother you, so if you don't let it get under your proverbial skin, his motivation will diminish.
DEAR SURLY, My ex-mother-in-law died unexpectedly three weeks ago. We were very close, and I handled most of the arrangements. She left no will, so my ex-husband and I did our best to provide what we thought she would have wanted.
We chose to have Mom cremated, but decided to have a short open viewing at the funeral home for her grandchildren's benefit. We wanted them to realize Grandma was no longer in her body.
This morning I was shocked to receive a phone call from the funeral parlor saying they have received a letter from one of Mom's co-workers, expressing that she felt the viewing was disrespectful and in bad taste. Abby, we chose to display her body on a table with blankets. We didn't think spending hundreds of dollars for a coffin for the four-hour viewing was justified, nor did we think Mom would have wanted us to do that. Was it inappropriate? -- SLAPPED IN THE FACE IN MONTANA
SLAPPED IN THE FACE, why would the funeral parlor call you?! You're absolutely right that there is no need to spend hundreds on a coffin to be used for 2 hours. There is no disrespect in laying the deceased on a table (unless you're going to eat her). Some people do have weird ideas about death, and people do look for any reason to be offended, but if such a person did call the funeral parlor, why didn't they just handle the complaint? You sure they didn't just send this to you so the next death you won't be so thrifty?
You can't please all the people all the time.
DEAR SURLY, I work for a nonprofit organization, and once a month we convene early in the morning for a staff meeting. To make up for the fact that we are meeting earlier than usual, departments take turns providing breakfast. This has turned into a contest to see who can bring the most elaborate breakfast.
Frankly, it's all I can do to get breakfast on the table for my own family without the added pressure of having to provide something for my 'work family.' The one-upmanship and back-stabbing is bad enough without having to become Martha Stewart in the process. Please comment. -- EGGS-ASPERATED IN NEW YORK
Despite the implication of the name, it takes a plural to one-up. The solution is to just not participate. When your turn comes, hand everyone a can of SlimFast, and mutter how "some of you guys really need this".
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100407
My mother is no help. When I ask her to talk to him, she laughs and says, 'Boys will be boys.' Abby, I'm 13 and it is starting to freak me out. Am I being paranoid, or am I right to want him to put on a pair of boxers or something? -- OLDER SISTER IN MCALLEN, TEXAS
OLDER SISTER, grow a pair. Naked is only naked. We're born naked, we'll die naked, and if we're lucky lots of naked in between. Sure, you're at that 'tender age', but you have to accept reality. Don't let bare skin strip you of your senses. Accept that we're all naked, and learn to respect it, deal with it, and stop being prudish about it. You'll be better off.
Odds are he's loitering in the buff just to bother you, so if you don't let it get under your proverbial skin, his motivation will diminish.
DEAR SURLY, My ex-mother-in-law died unexpectedly three weeks ago. We were very close, and I handled most of the arrangements. She left no will, so my ex-husband and I did our best to provide what we thought she would have wanted.
We chose to have Mom cremated, but decided to have a short open viewing at the funeral home for her grandchildren's benefit. We wanted them to realize Grandma was no longer in her body.
This morning I was shocked to receive a phone call from the funeral parlor saying they have received a letter from one of Mom's co-workers, expressing that she felt the viewing was disrespectful and in bad taste. Abby, we chose to display her body on a table with blankets. We didn't think spending hundreds of dollars for a coffin for the four-hour viewing was justified, nor did we think Mom would have wanted us to do that. Was it inappropriate? -- SLAPPED IN THE FACE IN MONTANA
SLAPPED IN THE FACE, why would the funeral parlor call you?! You're absolutely right that there is no need to spend hundreds on a coffin to be used for 2 hours. There is no disrespect in laying the deceased on a table (unless you're going to eat her). Some people do have weird ideas about death, and people do look for any reason to be offended, but if such a person did call the funeral parlor, why didn't they just handle the complaint? You sure they didn't just send this to you so the next death you won't be so thrifty?
You can't please all the people all the time.
DEAR SURLY, I work for a nonprofit organization, and once a month we convene early in the morning for a staff meeting. To make up for the fact that we are meeting earlier than usual, departments take turns providing breakfast. This has turned into a contest to see who can bring the most elaborate breakfast.
Frankly, it's all I can do to get breakfast on the table for my own family without the added pressure of having to provide something for my 'work family.' The one-upmanship and back-stabbing is bad enough without having to become Martha Stewart in the process. Please comment. -- EGGS-ASPERATED IN NEW YORK
Despite the implication of the name, it takes a plural to one-up. The solution is to just not participate. When your turn comes, hand everyone a can of SlimFast, and mutter how "some of you guys really need this".
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100407
06 April 2010
Commandeered Dear Abby: NO REASON TO GO IT ALONE WHEN TIMES ARE TOUGH
DEAR SURLY, I am at my wits' end and feel my life is over. I just want to get my life back the way it was 10 years ago. In the past eight years I have lost two jobs. I am currently unemployed and in financial ruin. I see no way out. Every job I apply for wants to do a credit check, so there goes any good job I might have. I have no resources for a counselor since I have no health insurance and nobody for a sounding board. Please help me see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel virtually alone. -- TROUBLED IN VIRGINIA
TROUBLED, you are far from alone. Personally, I think the credit check to get a job is crock, but if you explain that you've been out of work for a while and had to stretch things too much they should be understanding--and if they're aren't then odds are they would be impossible to work for anyhow.
If you want a sounding board, there are support groups for people out of work all over the country becuase there are just so many out there, and in our messed up culture work is too tied to identity. Check out google or craigslist to find some peers in your area ... if nothing else it'll show you that you're not singled out for tought times.
They say the enconomy is improving, and hopefully that means that a lot more people will have work soon. Good luck.
DEAR ABBY: My father has been short-tempered for as long as I can remember. He never beat us, but he spanked us plenty as a means of discipline when we were growing up. Now this anger is random; he makes every family event a nightmare for anyone involved. He insists on planning events at their home, and screams and degrades any of us 'kids' (and Mom) if we do something other than his way.
Shortly after my sister's divorce a few years ago, my father met with our priest to discuss his anger issues, but it didn't change anything. We've suggested anger management or counseling, but he tells us we're 'overreacting' and blames my sister's drama as an excuse for his behavior.
I am expecting my first child, and my husband and I are afraid of the effect Dad's behavior will have on our little one. My sister's children are all afraid of my father. While they respect him, they constantly worry about when the next blowup will happen. I don't want to cut anyone out of my life, but how can I deal with this? -- EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED IN OHIO
EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED, nobody needs to put up with that shit, least of all a kid. If he can't be civil, you should exclude him from your social circle. Maybe a little exile will push him to take better handle of his emotions.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100405
TROUBLED, you are far from alone. Personally, I think the credit check to get a job is crock, but if you explain that you've been out of work for a while and had to stretch things too much they should be understanding--and if they're aren't then odds are they would be impossible to work for anyhow.
If you want a sounding board, there are support groups for people out of work all over the country becuase there are just so many out there, and in our messed up culture work is too tied to identity. Check out google or craigslist to find some peers in your area ... if nothing else it'll show you that you're not singled out for tought times.
They say the enconomy is improving, and hopefully that means that a lot more people will have work soon. Good luck.
DEAR ABBY: My father has been short-tempered for as long as I can remember. He never beat us, but he spanked us plenty as a means of discipline when we were growing up. Now this anger is random; he makes every family event a nightmare for anyone involved. He insists on planning events at their home, and screams and degrades any of us 'kids' (and Mom) if we do something other than his way.
Shortly after my sister's divorce a few years ago, my father met with our priest to discuss his anger issues, but it didn't change anything. We've suggested anger management or counseling, but he tells us we're 'overreacting' and blames my sister's drama as an excuse for his behavior.
I am expecting my first child, and my husband and I are afraid of the effect Dad's behavior will have on our little one. My sister's children are all afraid of my father. While they respect him, they constantly worry about when the next blowup will happen. I don't want to cut anyone out of my life, but how can I deal with this? -- EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED IN OHIO
EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED, nobody needs to put up with that shit, least of all a kid. If he can't be civil, you should exclude him from your social circle. Maybe a little exile will push him to take better handle of his emotions.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100405
02 April 2010
Commandeered Dear Abby: WIFE'S MOSTLY MALE COLLEAGUES ARE THREAT TO JEALOUS HUSBAND
DEAR SURLY, My husband, 'Hugh,' and I have been married 16 years. We generally have a good relationship, with few arguments. We seldom participate in activities that don't include each other.
Three years ago, I was hired to work in the office of a manufacturing facility. The majority of the workers are men. Although Hugh denies it, I suspect he's uncomfortable about it.
When I participate in company events for employees only, he becomes jealous and rants that it isn't fair for spouses to be excluded. Once in a while, my co-workers and I go out for drinks after work. When I'm asked to join them, Hugh goes on the offensive, demanding to know all the details. He then calls my cell phone repeatedly until I get home.
I'm hurt that he finds me and my associates so untrustworthy. He has met the people I work with and has seen that they're all friendly and happily married. I encourage him to do things on his own with his friends, hoping he'll see that I trust him and will return the favor. What can I do to improve the situation? -- PULLED IN TWO IN PENNSYLVANIA
PULLED, you're husband has trust issues, but that doesn't automatically make him wrong. Is there a reason for his mistrust? Do you have a history of getting in trouble? Has he an ex who did? Maybe there is a reason for the worry, and if you can get at that, maybe you can address it.
DEAR SURLY, Is it OK to have sex when you're a guest in someone's home? I say no, but my husband feels the host knows we're married so it's not inappropriate. I think it's rude and shows a lack of respect for the host.
Would you please settle this once and for all? When we stay with friends, we end up fighting during our vacation. -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN TEXAS
UNCOMFORTABLE, everyone has sex. If you're invited into a home, and given a bed, the host should assume that you're going to use it. If our society were truly civil, then the host would supply a buffet of toys in the nightstand.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100402
Three years ago, I was hired to work in the office of a manufacturing facility. The majority of the workers are men. Although Hugh denies it, I suspect he's uncomfortable about it.
When I participate in company events for employees only, he becomes jealous and rants that it isn't fair for spouses to be excluded. Once in a while, my co-workers and I go out for drinks after work. When I'm asked to join them, Hugh goes on the offensive, demanding to know all the details. He then calls my cell phone repeatedly until I get home.
I'm hurt that he finds me and my associates so untrustworthy. He has met the people I work with and has seen that they're all friendly and happily married. I encourage him to do things on his own with his friends, hoping he'll see that I trust him and will return the favor. What can I do to improve the situation? -- PULLED IN TWO IN PENNSYLVANIA
PULLED, you're husband has trust issues, but that doesn't automatically make him wrong. Is there a reason for his mistrust? Do you have a history of getting in trouble? Has he an ex who did? Maybe there is a reason for the worry, and if you can get at that, maybe you can address it.
DEAR SURLY, Is it OK to have sex when you're a guest in someone's home? I say no, but my husband feels the host knows we're married so it's not inappropriate. I think it's rude and shows a lack of respect for the host.
Would you please settle this once and for all? When we stay with friends, we end up fighting during our vacation. -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN TEXAS
UNCOMFORTABLE, everyone has sex. If you're invited into a home, and given a bed, the host should assume that you're going to use it. If our society were truly civil, then the host would supply a buffet of toys in the nightstand.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100402
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