DEAR SURLY, I have been overly neat since I was in middle school. I am now in college and feel I have reached the breaking point because I'm such a neat freak. I love having everything neat and tidy, but I now spend less time being a 22-year-old and more time cleaning, scrubbing and organizing.
I can't sleep if I know there is clutter somewhere in the apartment. I have passed up going out with friends if my apartment isn't perfect. Everything has a place and a label. It's getting tiring because I realize I haven't had any good wholesome fun in a long time. I wish I could relax and be OK with clutter like everyone else, instead of wasting my life cleaning. Any advice? -- OVERLY ORGANIZED IN TEXAS
ORGANIZED, we all have quirks. Problems begin at the point when our quirks interfere with the ability to lead a normal life. You should be able to look back and see that point somewhere behind you. Don't misunderstand, tidy is nice, but a life uncluttered is the sign of a deranged mind.
You can get help. Get a high maintenance girlfriend and a demanding job. Take a job in the retail industry. After a full load of people wanting you to clean up after them, I can assure you you'll decide that tidy isn't worth all the investment. Especially when it's so fleeting.
DEAR SURLY, I'm a 20-year-old female who has been dating my boyfriend, 'Will,' for three years. Our long-distance relationship was going along just fine until the topic of his 21st birthday came up recently. Will mentioned in passing that he's planning on going to a strip club with friends to celebrate this momentous birthday.
Will says he just likes to look at women, that all men do and it's completely fine. He didn't seem to care how I felt about it. His mind was already made up. He wants me to be more accepting of who he is, but it turns my stomach to think of him hanging out at a strip club.
Is a young man in a committed relationship going to a strip club to drink and view naked women 'normal'? Should I not take this so personally? Or am I right to see this as a lack of commitment to me? -- OFFENDED IN FORT COLLINS, COLO.
OFFENDED, normal is as normal does, and in our era this is pretty normal. Most of Western Society is built on naked or mostly naked ladies.
You wouldn't be the only girl offended by his escapade, however, so do as so many do: expect better. And if he can't give it to you, then you know what to do.
DEAR SURLY, I am 42 years old and being married for the first time in October. My parents divorced more than 20 years ago and both remarried. My father will walk me down the aisle.
Dad lost my stepmother two years ago, and is still having a hard time with it emotionally. Because of my age, I don't expect anything from my parents except their emotional support.
If it's all right with my parents, do you think it would be appropriate to put on the invitations, 'In lieu of gifts, please make a donation to the American Cancer Society in memory of (my stepmother's name)'? -- LOVING DAUGHTER IN ARLINGTON, TEXAS
LOVING DAUGHTER, "all right"?! Hell, that's kick ass. If you don't need the stuff, you know that there are people who do. Way to lend a hand, and I applaud you for it.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100423
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Wow! Loving Daughter sounds like an awesome human being.
ReplyDeleteGreat advice.