MOM THINKS DAUGHTER'S CLOSET DOOR WAS OPENED BY HER MENTOR

DEAR SURLY, My daughter recently told us she is attracted to women. I feel she has been unduly influenced by her mentor/professor at her college, as she quoted this woman several times when she 'came out.'

My daughter has always been quiet and shy. She finds it difficult to make eye contact with anyone. How am I to accept this, especially since I feel her mentor took advantage of the situation? I am finding it difficult to function at all. I love my daughter very much. This just hurts. -- MOM AT A LOSS IN OREGON

MOM AT LOSS, you hurt over this? Really? Imagine that you're a young girl who doesn't fit in, feels like an outcast, a misfit, left out, and like your own parents won't accept you. Then imagine you meet a mentor who makes you feel like you can be yourself, and when you do try to be yourself your jerk mother is like "ooh this is wrong and icky!" You're the jerk parent, and you're trying to blame the mentor.

You need take this professor out of the equation. You're relationship is with your daughter. Deal with her. Don't blame. Listen more than you talk ... maybe you'll learn something.

DEAR SURLY, My husband and I have been married eight years and have two children. Our marriage has had its share of ups and downs, but we always manage to survive the bad times.

My problem is my husband sleeps on the couch 95 percent of the time instead of in our bed. He makes excuses such as he 'fell asleep watching TV,' or 'the kids were sleeping in our bed' -- even when they weren't. He even goes to sleep on the couch after we have had sex.

I don't like sleeping by myself every night, and I have tried to explain how upsetting this is to me. My little girl has even asked why Daddy sleeps on the couch. Any suggestions? -- MISSING MY SNUGGLE, MELBOURNE, FL

MISSING SNUGGLE, there can be many reasons for separate sleep. You need to figure you what makes your husband uncomfortable sleeping with you? Do you snore? Do you complain about his snoring? Do you flail? Have night terrors? Get you husband, ask him what the discomfort is, and be prepared to hear something that you don't want to hear. Only when you identify the real issue can you address.

DEAR SURLY: My darling wife died not long ago. I'm still grieving. Please tell me what to do when women show up as if I'm
available to date. They're not shy. I'm not interested in anyone, especially since my wife just passed away. I am still emotionally attached to her, and I don't want that feeling to fade.

Surly, these women are forward and aggressive. I can't believe how some of them dress. I miss my wife. I truly loved her and continue to do so. I know in time I'll meet someone, but I'm not ready to jump out there because my heart still belongs to my wife. I welcome your advice, Abby. -- HUNTSVILLE WIDOWER

WIDOWER, there are plenty of men out there who want to remarry very quickly after loosing a wife. These women just don't know your readiness and they can't know without asking ... if you were looking and they waited for clues the main clue would be you dating another woman and by then it could be too late.

They're only after you because you're a helluva catch, so remember to be mildly flattered and say, "Thank you, but I'm just not ready."

See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20110613