WOMAN WHO WON'T KEEP TRACK OF TIME ISN'T WORTH MAN'S FUTURE

DEAR SURLY, I have been in a seven-year relationship with 'Maddy,' which will probably end soon because she can't seem to stick to any kind of routine. Maddy is in her mid-30s, the youngest in a large family, and grew up without any kind of responsibilities. She's always misplacing and losing things -- watches, cameras, jewelry, etc. Her mail goes unopened and her bills get paid late even though she has plenty of money.

Maddy thinks I'm 'controlling' because I get frustrated when we have to be somewhere at a specified time and she's always late. I think she's selfish to put her needs ahead of everyone else's. There's always an excuse; it's always someone's fault, never hers.

In my line of work, if I have a meeting to attend, I arrive on time. Maddy thinks that unless it's her boss telling her what time to be at a meeting, everything else is when she 'gets to it.' I have planned entire weekends with dinner reservations and events scheduled and let her know what time we need to leave. When the time comes, she's not even packed yet. Worse, she can't understand my irritation. Is this relationship worth saving -- or my sanity? -- LOSING PATIENCE IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

LOSING PATIENCE, you have to accept that you can't change this woman. Accept the fact she will always be late, that she will never give a damn about your plans, and that you will always be second to her whims. You've done for seven year, and if you want to put up with seven more, stick with it. If you do though, I suspect your blood-pressure will prevent this from going on longer.

Do you want a tragic break-up or a tragically early death?

DEAR SURLY, I have noticed over the past few decades that fewer and fewer people have heroes (I mean real heroes, not celebrities who are famous for being famous). I'd love to hear from your readers about who their heroes are and why. These heroes should not be family members, but someone outside the family -- a teacher, doctor, artist, writer, mentor, statesperson, etc.

Without positive role models to emulate, it's no wonder the majority of our young people are losing their way. -- ALISON IN ASHLAND, ORE.

ALISON, heroes are hard to come by when we live in a world where heroes are so often seen as human. In some ways it's good to know that even those we admire are fallible, but it can break a young heart when he hears an idol has engaged in something ... torrid. I'm all for heroes, but temper the adulation with warning that these people are indeed people, and prone to human weakness.

Caveat in mind, my heroes include:
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Carl Sagan
Richard Feynman

DEAR SURLY, I need your help with a problem I'm having with my husband, 'Fred.' He is very territorial over his laptop and other personal items such as his phone. It is so bad that I'm not even allowed to hold his phone -- even if he is trying to show me a video on it. His laptop is password-protected.

I have asked Fred numerous times why so much privacy, and he says, 'Because these things are mine.' I feel as if he is hiding something. I know I shouldn't be paranoid, but since he was unfaithful in the past, I have my suspicions. Please let me know what I can do to solve this. -- LEFT OUT IN LITTLE ROCK

LEFT OUT, I think you already know the answer to this, but are seeking some reinforcement. I'll reinforce the hell out of it for you. Everyone is entitled to some personal space, and that should be expected and embraced. But this douche has already cheated on you, and his entitlement to personal space should rightly be truncated. He should be willing to show you that he's not repeating his offense.

And if he's not willing to trust you with that you're relationship is already over.

It's a shit deal, I know, but if he's unwilling to make things work you can't make him and you can't make it work on your own.

See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20110606