Commandeered Dear Abby: AUNT'S 'ORGAN RECITAL' DROWNS OUT DINNER TABLE CONVERSATION

DEAR SURLY, Last night, I attended an elegant dinner party at the home of a friend. She served a delicious meal on a table set with crystal, bone china, silver and a low centerpiece of fresh flowers. Everything was perfection -- with one exception. As soon as we were seated, our hostess's elderly Aunt 'Ethel' began talking about her health, with graphic details of every symptom, every allergy and every pain she had ever endured.

Other guests tried changing the subject several times, but Aunt Ethel evidently believed she was being entertaining. Among those at the table were a lawyer, a teacher and a friend who had recently returned from living several years in Africa. Each had more to contribute in the way of conversation. But not one got the opportunity to speak more than a few words before Aunt Ethel was reminded of yet another ailment she 'knew' we'd find interesting.

How does one handle an awkward situation like this? In spite of her age, the woman is essentially in good health and ours is a small town. She'll probably be present at many more dinners. -- FRUSTRATED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

FRUSTRATED, isn't there always someone who tries to dominate conversation? The traditional thing to do is to find the 2nd least interesting member of the party (in this case you) and throw him under the proverbial bus--he get's to distract Ethel while the grown-ups talk. Of course, you could let her prattle and regret it, or you could tell her, "I'm sorry, I wanted to hear what this other dude was saying so please shut the fuck up."

DEAR SURLY, When my husband, 'Vic,' and I met, we discussed having children. Although he is 25 years my senior, he was in accord with my desire to have kids. He even said we should have them right away because he is so much older.

I have had reproductive issues in the past, so before we married I went through several tests to verify that I could conceive a child. Three months after the wedding, Vic told me he had 'changed his mind' and no longer wants a child. (He has one from a previous relationship.) When I told him how upset his decision made me, he said he would be 'dying soon' and then I'll be able to have all the children I want.

I'm not sure where things should go from here. I feel Vic lied to me and never intended to have another child. Aside from this issue and a few others, he's a good husband. He would be there for me until one of us dies, but I don't know if I can settle for that. Vic refuses counseling, and when I told him I was going to go alone, he made me feel like it was the dumbest idea ever. Please help. -- LONGS FOR MOTHERHOOD IN LOUISIANA

MOTHERHOOD, yours is not the first man to vacillate on the topic of fatherhood, and his expression of his current stand on the matter doesn't make him a liar, deceiver, or con. The "dying soon" means that you're free to have all the kids you want, he just doesn't want to be involved.

If you're in you childbearing years, and he's 25 years year senior, there would have to be something already wrong with him to be dying "soon". Maybe this is a subtle way of saying something more, and in that case, go kick him until he spills what's really going on.

See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100315