Commandeered Dear Abby: HUSBAND'S YOUNG CRUSH LEAVES WIFE FEELING FLAT

DEAR SURLY, My husband, 'Roger' -- 64 and retired -- has a crush on a 25-year-old woman who lives in our small community and who runs a dress shop I frequent. Roger is usually quiet and reserved, but when he sees 'Patti,' he utters loud cries and runs to her side. He examines every detail of her clothing, makeup, etc., and takes her hand and compliments her on her soft skin, her ring or the color of her nail polish.

From the expression on her face and the looks she exchanges with the other women in the shop, it's clear she considers him a pest.

I have spoken up and said, 'Patti must have a grandfather your age,' or, 'There's no fool like an old fool,' but Roger ignores it. My concern is that he's making a fool of himself in public and, by extension, me. I'm so embarrassed, I can no longer walk into my favorite dress shop. Patti is popular. She has many dates and is not interested in Roger. I hate to be pitied by others. What can I do to stop this? -- OLD FOOL'S WIFE IN ALABAMA

OLD FOOL, your husband's behavior doesn't reflect on you! Your behavior does. Okay, so there's a younger woman who causes your introverted husband to attempt social contact. It's a shame that you have to see it, but unless your husband is wealthy there is really no chance of it becoming an affair. (Wealthy men have a different allure.)

Best thing to do: just don't go with him. He's hurting nothing, and you can't change him, so just choose not to be witness to it.

DEAR SURLY, I was recently married, but we had to postpone our honeymoon for a couple of weeks due to weather and the loss of a sitter for my wife's daughter. The day after our wedding, my bride, 'Brenda,' informed me that we had a dinner date the following Monday with another married couple who are friends of hers. I gladly accepted, thinking it would be fun to go out and celebrate since our plans had fallen through.

The day before the dinner I was told that the husband (in the couple) had to work -- so Brenda and his wife would go out to dinner and, if it was OK with me, I would stay home and baby-sit my new stepdaughter. I felt I had no say in the matter, and to keep things positive in this brand-new marriage, I agreed.

I have no problem with Brenda going out alone with her friend, but I did feel slighted. Shouldn't the dinner have been postponed until a time when we were all available? Or should I have accepted this 'girls' night out' with more grace? -- HONEYMOON-DEPRIVED IN KNOXVILLE

DEPRIVED, when you felt like you had no say in the matter, you should have said. Nothing's wrong with the girls going out, and sometimes plans change without notice, so you have to be able to roll with the punches, but if you say nothing then you have no one but yourself to blame for the way you feel.

DEAR SURLY, My wife and I were out to dinner with two other couples who are also good friends. We all enjoyed a couple of bottles of wine during our meal.

When the check came, we split it three ways. However, one of the other couples insisted that we should tip only on the food portion of the bill. I said we should tip on the entire bill, including the cost of the wine. Who was correct? -- PROPERLY SERVED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

PROPERLY SERVED, tips are for schmucks. In an ideal world, they wouldn't be needed. Since we're far from ideal, you should just tip on the whole cost of the meal and stop trying to parse out things that "don't really count." It's cheap and tactless.

See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100322