DEAR SURLY, I'm 27 and in a three-year-long relationship that has been slowly falling apart. A year before it began, I ended a two-year union with another guy. While the two men are completely different, both relationships ended for similar reasons.
I am a successful, independent woman. Apparently, this made each one feel like less of a man. While I'm told my qualities are part of the reason I'm attractive, men want to 'prove themselves' before they commit to marriage. Things usually fall apart when their career plans shift and they feel like they're starting over. I try to be supportive, but nothing works. They begin resenting me for everything I have accomplished.
I am on a path to achieve everything I can before I scale back to have children and put my family first. I have two master's degrees. I'm working on my license in a traditionally male profession. I'm on the board of directors of several nonprofits. I own my own home. But I'm beginning to be afraid I'll never have the family life I have always wanted. Should I resign myself to the fact that I can't have it all? -- SUCCESSFUL ... ON PAPER, CHARLOTTE, N.C.
SUCCESSFUL, you've got it all and want a little bit more. Good for you. I don't know what kind of insecure men you're meeting, but if he has something to prove, he's got an ego problem and you don't need him. Maybe when you're ready to make a priority of your relationships you can go out and meet a better class of meat.
DEAR SURLY, My friend, 'Gail,' is estranged from her family and has no significant other. She is always trying to improve herself. She works out at a gym daily and has spent a fortune on plastic surgery.
People have told me that Gail's laugh is loud and embarrassing. Abby, it's not just her laugh that's grating, but her speaking voice is equally unpleasant. She is so loud that she has been asked to 'lower the volume' in restaurants.
How can I tell her that her money would be better spent on voice lessons? -- SOUNDING OFF IN SANTA ROSA, CALIF.
SOUNDING OFF, it sounds like your friend flunked out of finishing school, but just because you find something grating doesn't make it universally annoying. If she's boisterous she needs only find a friend that will appreciate her for what she is. Sure, you can tell her that you think some polish of her mannerisms might increase her appeal, but really, if you don't like her the way she is, you're a lousy friend.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100307
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