Commandeered Dear Abby: GOING TO THE GYM BECOMES EXERCISE IN EMBARRASSMENT

DEAR SURLY, I just joined a gym, and I love everything about it except for one thing -- the ladies' locker room.

I am modest so I use the private changing rooms when getting dressed. There are some women who feel very comfortable walking around in various stages of undress. Not only are they naked, they don't think twice about bending over to get into their lockers, or standing topless while blow-drying their hair.

In a place full of mirrors, seeing all this is difficult to avoid. I don't want to stop using the locker room because it's convenient. Is there anything I can do, or must I put up with the peep shows? -- MISS MODESTY IN PRINCETON, N.J.

MISS MODESTY, do you know you're kind of a prude? You could choose to avert your gaze, but even that's pretty sad. We're all naked sometimes and it's okay. There's nothing wrong with the human body, so my advice is buck up and accept nudity is a part of life. That doesn't mean that you have to look and examine, but you don't have to judge either.

DEAR SURLY, I am stationed in Iraq. My husband is home taking care of our two teenagers -- a 16-year-old boy and a 14-year-old girl.

My daughter has had several sleepovers at her friends'. On two separate occasions, the mothers allowed the girls to dye their hair. They did this without first consulting my husband.

Am I old-fashioned, or isn't this something a parent should decide for a 14-year-old? Did the other parents think that it was OK since I wasn't home to disapprove?

My husband is doing an excellent job of parenting while I am deployed, and he would never have allowed her to dye her hair. How should we handle this type of situation? -- MOM ON DUTY IN IRAQ

MOM ON DUTY, of course the parents should have consulted you before they let a kid dye her hair. Since they allowed it, it makes one wonder what else could be going on over there. Maybe those kids have no rules and no boundaries, and the parents let the young rule the roost. I don't know, but what I do know is that your kid could have piped up and said, "I should check with my folks." If your kid has a better understanding of boundaries, you don't need to worry about someone else's parenting.

DEAR SURLY, My fiance and I are discussing being married at the courthouse before our actual wedding ceremony -- months in advance. Our reason is he will finish graduate school and needs a place to stay -- or else it's back home.

The second reason is, if we live in separate households, it will create two sets of household bills. Under one roof we can share the expenses and save ourselves an ample amount of money to put toward our actual ceremony and honeymoon.

This is our first marriage and, we hope, our last. We want to make it a memorable one. Does this make sense, and if so, how should we approach our potential guests about our plans to 'tie the knot'? -- TO DO OR NOT TO DO IN ALABAMA

TO DO OR NOT TO DO, you can't please everybody, and obviously someone will be upset with you over being invited to a post-wedding or something like that, but your reasoning is sound, and it seems you've thought it through. Since you can't please all the people all the time, might as well bite the bullet--you'll need to deal with the snippy folks, but if they'll listen to your logic they should be convinced, and if they won't listen then to hell with them.

See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100302