DEAR SURLY, The other day I asked my husband a question and told him to be honest. If given a choice between giving up wine or giving up sex with me, which would he choose?
You guessed it. He said, 'Giving up sex with you.' I think I knew the answer before I asked the question, but hearing it out loud devastated me.
I know every woman wants to be No. 1 in her husband's life. Am I wrong to feel so heartbroken? -- LOST THE BATTLE TO CHARDONNAY
LOST, it would be a better world if people quit railing against logic. Nevermind the logic that wine will never turn him away because it has a headache, or argue with him about being out too late with the boys. Let's just focus on the logic of asking stupid questions to which you already know the answer.
You knew the answer, but you asked hoping for a comforting lie. Had he answered how you wanted, you still would have known it for a lie. Would that have made you happy?
The issue isn't that your husband likes wine, it's that you have esteem issues that lead you into this minefield in the first place. If you can get over that, however, you may find yourself happier without having to compete with wine.
DEAR SURLY, My wife is constantly passing gas. She does not care where she is or who is around. I have worked in the trucking industry for almost 30 years and never ran across anyone as flatulent as she is.
She is young and attractive, but there is nothing less appealing than feeling 'frisky,' getting into bed and hearing the trumpet sounds. I have recommended she see a doctor, but she laughs it off and says, 'Everyone does it.'
I can't believe I'm the only one with this problem. I could really use some 'sound' advice, Abby. -- BLOWN AWAY IN ALLIANCE, OHIO
BLOWN AWAY, she's right: everybody farts. Maybe your wife's flatulations are louder or more frequent that you are accustomed, but it's not wrong, and you can't do anything about. Either learn to accept nature and quit whining, or find a mate with a colostomy bag.
DEAR SURLY, Our driveway is directly across from our neighbor's dining room window. The only curtain open in their entire house is this one. Since they always sit at this window, they can observe who pulls in and out, what groceries are brought in and how many times we leave.
They make comments like, 'I see you had pizza last night,' or, 'What did you buy at 'Such and Such' store?' This has caused a strain on our relationship with them.
I know they have a right to open whatever curtains they want in their own house, but what about the invasion of our privacy? -- PEEVED BY THE PEEPERS, JOHNSTOWN, PA.
PEEVED, I've heard that good fences make good neighbors. Call a contractor and see how much it would cost to get an 8 foot, solid fence. However, since privacy in our culture is an illusion at best, maybe you could embrace the fact you're watched. Host some sex-toy parties or orgies. Get new friends who are prone to drop by for a few minutes any hour of day. Have hookers come over, and then have them exit though the back so the neighbors never see them leave. It won't stop your peepers, but it prevent them from discussing it with you.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100224
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