DEAR SURLY, My mother recently passed away. She and Dad were married 52 happy years. Over the years, Mom received a few Christmas cards from 'Linda,' my brother's girlfriend 30 years ago.
Dad found Linda's address and let her know about Mom's passing. Now he says he and Linda have become good friends. Dad says they're 'only friends' and Linda is someone he can talk to. We are very upset about whatever relationship they have. My brother and I and our children want to be the ones to comfort Dad and be comforted by him. It has been only two months since Mom's death.
He talks to Linda about everything. They have even discussed the details of Mom's grave marker. Linda says Dad is the father she never had. (Her father is still living.) I confronted Dad about it, and we had a huge argument. Are we wrong and insensitive for disapproving of his closeness with this woman? -- FALLING APART IN TEXAS
FALLING, I'd like to know just who you think you are that you can tell someone how to grieve? Do you have a definitive resource that dictated exactly how long someone should remain in seclusion before they can make new friends?
As I see it, the only issue is that you miss your mommy and you think that dad is disgracing her memory by having a female friend. New friends, however, don't affect the past, and new women don't banish your memories of mother. It might be tough, but get over it.
DEAR SURLY, My husband and I have been married 13 years and have two children, 7 and 9. About a year ago, my 41-year-old husband befriended an 11-year-old neighbor girl, 'Lacey.' Lacey is charming, friendly and plays with my children.
I like her and her family, but I'm bothered that she and my husband have a relationship that seems questionable to me and his friends. Lacey texts him daily, to which he quickly responds. They have conversations in our driveway, and they text each other constantly at neighborhood socials even though they're in the same room.
I have told my husband I am concerned and that it may be an unhealthy relationship, but he becomes angry and insulted and says it's an innocent friendship. Others have also voiced their concerns to him because they see the same things I do. On the other hand, her parents think the friendship is innocent.
Abby, am I overreacting? Should I view it as an innocent friendship, or could there really be a problem? -- WORRIED WIFE DOWN SOUTH
WORRIED, for centuries there has been a worldwide practice of apprenticeship. Generally, an older master takes a very young child under his tutelage and mentors the apprentice into a trade. Most of the time these trades have been gender specific, but that makes no matter. Did these relationships lead to mistreatment or abuse? The answer is YES! It happened all the time! Does that mean you're husband in caught in the teeth of a bear trap? Not necessarily, but it's something to keep your eye on.
Your husband and this kid could be a perfectly innocent, mentoring relationship, and that could be good for both of them. Best thing to do would be to get involved yourself involved. Mice play when the cat's away, right? So be the cat, don't be afraid of using claws.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100225
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment