Commandeered Dear Abby: TEEN BEING OFFERED SEX NEEDS A TALK WITH DAD

DEAR SURLY, My girlfriend is very sweet. The problem is, she wants to have sex with me. I don't think I am ready for that. I also don't know how to approach my parents about this. I really need some help -- fast! -- NOT READY IN PENNSYLVANIA

NOT READY, it's not like getting a driver's license where you have to take a test over and over until you pass. If you feel you're not ready, you're not ready! So far as I can tell, the only real qualifiers are that you feel ready, and you're ready enough to do it responsibly. Since you're not up to even discussing this with your parents, it makes me think that you're not up to insisting on protection. Trust me kid, if you're not up to talking it over with the family, then you're not ready for all of the battles and consequences to come.

DEAR SURLY, My husband, 'Ben,' is a loving, caring, big-hearted and sincere man, but I have a problem with the way he presents himself in public. His clothing is frequently stained, wrinkled and ill-fitting, and he doesn't seem to care. He even wears clothing with holes and rips. Some of his clothes look like they haven't seen a washing machine in weeks because they're so stained.

I have bought Ben new clothes, but most of the time he puts them away and wears his old, beat-up and grubby things. He gets upset and defensive when I bring it up. Other people have commented about the way he looks and, frankly, sometimes I'm embarrassed to be seen with him.

He's a great guy and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but this really bothers me. I don't want him to look like a fashion plate, but neat and clean would be good. Any ideas on how to deal with this? -- DISAPPOINTED WITH DISHEVELED

DISSAPPOINTED, Do you know why he prefers his slightly irregular clothing? Does he love these items, and find your replacements aren't what he wants? If you could find new things that did fit his sense of style, you could maybe get him to part with his lovelies one article at a time, but really the clothes don't make the man, and if he doesn't want to budge don't get your granny panties all in a bunch.

See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100227