Commandeered Dear Abby: SALARY AND BENEFITS ARE PRIME TOPICS FOR INTERVIEW

DEAR SURLY, My co-workers and I would like your opinion on the following question: Is it appropriate to ask about the salary during a job interview? Half of us say, 'Yes. When better to ask what the pay will be?' Others say, 'No, it's in poor taste.' What do you think? -- ALL BETS ARE IN

BETS, taste plays no part in the dog-eat-dog interview world. The interview is a proposal of a relationship, and coming out of the interview both parties should know what they can be expected to bring into and take out of the relationship. Of course you should ask about the wage! Don't be stupid. That's a big part of why you want the job, and to not ask it not just stupid, it's really damned stupid.

DEAR SURLY: My husband of more than 20 years decided that the grass was greener on the other side, and now I find myself on the dating scene again. I had breast reduction surgery, thinking I would be with my husband for the rest of my life. Now I don't know how to bring up the subject if I find a man with whom I want to be intimate.

I know a man should love me for who I am on the inside, but I can't help but feel that the scars I carry on the outside will make him turn and walk away. Not a day goes by that I don't regret having had the surgery, but there is nothing I can do about that now.

When do I tell the guy about my scars? I don't want this to get in the way of sharing my life with someone. -- SCARRED IN ARIZONA

SCARRED, an unmarked breast is a rare thing these days. You should not need to explain your scars. In fact, if they are very noticeable scars, any expatiation should be made by your surgeon. It's the 21st century, and while scarring from such a procedure is inevitable, any decent surgeon should be able keep them unobtrusive.

DEAR SURLY, My husband, 'Rick,' and I have been married 20 years. He's a veteran who is completely disabled. We live in a very secluded area. The nearest town is 60 miles away, and I can't be gone long because of Rick's needs.

I'm lonely. My family lives in another state. Rick said years ago that we would move to where my family members are. But now he refuses because he doesn't want to leave his comfort zone.

Some days I am more down than others. Our home is on the market, but we won't be going far -- just a bit closer to the town where Rick's family is. When I bring up the subject of missing my relatives, Rick gets angry so I don't say anything anymore. I long for my family -- and for many other things as well. Could you share your feelings on this, please? -- NOWHERE IN MONTANA

NOWHERE, dig him a hole and throw him in it. Don't feel bad because he's acting dead already, so if you treat him like a corpse it seems like it would be fair. He's dragging you into dead with him. You can still be resuscitated. In order to live, you have to live. Maybe by embracing life, you can drag him back toward life too, but you can't make him so be prepared.

See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100507