DEAR SURLY, It seems the moment we got married a year ago, my husband promptly started gaining weight and adopting horrible habits. He has put on more than 100 pounds. I don't want to nag him, but the magnitude of his bad habits is making me contemplate divorce.
If he hasn't learned things like 'garbage goes into the garbage can' or 'aim for the bowl' by his age, is there any hope? Should I let him know our marriage may be in trouble? -- STILL A NEWLYWED IN UTAH
NEWLYWED, I find it odd that you don't mention your age or how long you knew him before you exchanged vows. I have a little insight into Utah, however, so I dare hazard some guesses: young, and not long enough.
Are you sure these habits are newly adopted? He could have had a mother that just cleaned up after him and he's never learned that he has to pee in the bowl. No matter what though, 100 lbs isn't well. It's like having another wee person in your relationship, and too many people often means someone has to leave. First, tell him he's a pig and needs to straighten out, second, he might be ill, so if he needs a doctors help, do what you can.
It won't be easy, but maybe leaving doesn't have to be the ultimate solution.
DEAR SURLY, I have been dating 'Irving' for about a year. He is intelligent, financially stable and loves me and my son. However, over the last seven or eight months he has said some things that have hurt me very much. For instance, he has told me to watch what I say around his business associates, and when he thinks I have been too loud around them, he tells me afterward -- almost in a fatherly tone -- that I need to keep it low key.
He isn't the most sensitive or compassionate man I have ever met, and I find those to be important qualities in a mate. Irving has also made comments about my weight -- specifically, that he doesn't want me to gain any.
Some of my friends are telling me to drop him, but I have invested a year in this guy and I hate to think it was for nothing. He's been talking marriage, and in the beginning I was excited. Now, I'm not so sure it's a good idea. Can you help? -- CAUTIOUS IN TENNESSEE
CAUTIOUS, if you're not willing to drop a bad investment, you're going to lose everything. He wants to control your volume, your weight, and your behavior. I'm no head doctor, but I think you might have a control freak there. If you land this guy, you also get to land the end making your own decisions, maybe having your own friends. Maybe that's a relief to you.
DEAR SURLY: We will visit my in-laws for the holidays next December with our new baby. We stay in a hotel when we visit because the in-laws are both chain smokers and I am a non-smoker who is sensitive to smoke. This has created some distance between my in-laws and me. When we have visited in the past I resigned myself to the fact that they will smoke through our dinners and conversations.
Now that we have a little one, I do not want my in-laws to smoke in front of the baby. They don't visit us; we visit them once a year. Can I ask that they not smoke in their home while my family is visiting? -- MICHELE IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
MICHELLE, you want your in-laws to relent smoking indoors for a few days a year for the health of your young one? That sounds pretty reasonable. If they are reasonable they should conclude the same, but if they are the not too uncommon unreasonable flavor of in-law, be ready for a knock-down-drag-out. I hope you win.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100503
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment