DEAR SURLY, I'm a career woman, working for a family-owned business. Last year was difficult because there have been a number of layoffs and no raises. When I had my annual review, I received an outstanding evaluation but was again told no raise would be forthcoming because business is slow.
I could understand this because of the current economy if the owners of the company weren't taking expensive vacations and buying new luxury cars.
I have a hard time accepting there's no money for raises when they spend so extravagantly. I understand it's not my business how they spend their money, but it's difficult to swallow when I feel so taken advantage of. I'm not the only one here feeling the way I do, and it's beginning to create a hostile environment. Am I wrong to feel this way? -- BITTER IN THE NORTHEAST
BITTER, welcome to capitalism. You work to make money for them, and not the other way around. It's called greed, and it's what makes the world go round. The funny part is that you're upset because your greed ain't getting scratched. In our economy nobody's giving, and there's not much hope that when the money is easier that you'll be given any of it. Company loyalty is only good for the CEO.
DEAR SURLY, My daughter is being married in the fall and she has asked me to be her matron of honor. She has been through a lot, and I have supported her all the way. She says I am the only one who had faith in her, encouraged her and loved her no matter what.
Are moms supposed to be in their daughters' weddings? She doesn't want her dad in the wedding, so this makes it difficult. I am honored that she wants me to be her matron of honor. If her dad isn't in the wedding, should I be in it? I don't want any hard feelings from the other family members, but my daughter is determined to have me as her matron of honor. -- DONNA IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DONNA, it's her wedding, and she can have anyone in it that she wants. If feelings are hurt, support her like you did to get asked to play that part, and let the cards fall where they may.
DEAR SURLY, I am a freelance writer who works from home. I have flexibility when it comes to my work hours, but I decide that on my own terms. I have lost count of the number of times friends and family have asked me to baby-sit, have lunch or go out shopping with them because, according to them, writing isn't 'real work' and working from home means having no fixed hours.
Last week my husband called me from his office and asked me to bring him some documents he had forgotten at home. When I realized it wasn't urgent, I told him no and that he had interrupted my train of thought. He has been sulking for days. Was I wrong?
In this digital age, with more people working from home, it still means adhering to a schedule. Oh, and one more thing -- please remind your readers that writing is very much a REAL job. -- FREELANCE WRITER IN TENNESSEE
FREELANCE, writing is a real job. I commend you for refusing to yield to people's whims. Your work is out of site--they don't see you commuting, sticking to a time clock, or chained to a desk so they assume you're not. It's not your fault they're dumb, so all you can do is educate them.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100319
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