Commandeered Dear Abby: MAN STOPPED KEEPING HOUSE THE MINUTE HE GOT MARRIED

DEAR SURLY, When I first met my husband of two years, 'Phil,' he owned his own home, kept it spotless and his yard neat, prepared his own meals and did his laundry. Those qualities made him stand out from the many spoiled 'Mama's boys' I had dated in the past.

Now that we're married it's like he has amnesia. He has 'forgotten' how to operate the washing machine, scrub a toilet or wash a dish. He hasn't cleaned the bathroom once since our wedding, washes only one load of laundry a week (his own work uniforms) and performs other domestic tasks only if I ask repeatedly. I don't enjoy nagging him.

I teach school and attend graduate school at night, so I'm just as exhausted at the end of the day as he is, even though his labor is more physical. I know this problem is nothing new, but I am hoping you can offer some insight or advice. Why do so many men feel entitled to flop on the couch every night and expect us women to trudge through the housework into the wee hours? -- NOT THE MAID IN SOUTH CAROLINA

NOT THE MAID, There's a lot of drama in "amnesia", and excess drama makes me suspicious. Can he really shirk all work, or does he just not work up to your expectations? You could site down together and hash out a list of chores for each of you, and if he agrees to the list and takes care of the chores, then it was just a misunderstanding of expectations. If still doesn't do them, then you know he's being lazy, but what can you do about that? You might be happier having something to complain about, but you can't change someone's behavior.

DEAR SURLY, I'm worried about my 14-year-old granddaughter. She's a good soccer player and frequently 'heads' the soccer ball. I think this could be harmful to her brain.

I have spoken to two coaches about it; they say I shouldn't worry. But I saw on the Internet that chronic traumatic brain injury has occurred in soccer and football players. What do you think? Should I pursue this concern? -- GRANDMA AND NURSE IN HOUSTON

GRANDMA, everyone has brain-damage, and it's unlikely that soccer will make a kid into the village idiot. You just have to accept that there's some risk in all sport, and remember the things you used to hit with your head ... if you can.

DEAR SURLY, I have been infatuated with a co-worker for more than a year. The problem is, he knows it and is reluctant to become more involved because we work together. We flirt constantly. We're good friends and talk almost daily about things that go way beyond work.

Everyone here knows we have a thing for each other. How do I cross over without risking our friendship? We're both single and unattached. -- INFATUATED IN DOWNEY, CALIF.

INFATUATED, you can't cross by yourself ... you have to meet in the middle. If the object of your infatuation isn't keen on that, you can't do much. You might entice him if you understand what hinders him now. Is he career minded, and fears your liaison might make him look less in his manager's eyes? If so, you need to make him choose between the job and you. If you get him fired, that choice becomes a lot easier, right?

See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100308