Commandeered Dear Abby: GIRL'S ARRIVAL TURNS DRINKS FOR TWO INTO PARTY OF THREE

DEAR SURLY, Last week I suggested to a co-worker, 'Zack,' that I treat him to a beer after work. Before our pints arrived, he disappeared to a corner of the pub to text on his phone, and 10 minutes later his girlfriend showed up. Her being there obligated me to buy her a drink, and it derailed the work-related discussion I had initially had in mind.

The following Monday, I mentioned to Zack that he should have asked me first if it was OK to bring someone else. He was none too pleased to hear that I thought his behavior was rude. How far off base was I? I'll bow to your opinion. -- WONDERING IN WESTMOUNT, CANADA

WONDERING, he's a ass. Maybe he guessed he was in for a discussion, maybe he wanted to mooch, or maybe he's just dumber than a hillbilly in a strip club and didn't think at all. You could have easily, however, asked said girlfriend to excuse you two for a few minutes, discussed your work, and left once the deal was done. By failing to stand up for yourself you're now branded as a doormat who buys beer.

DEAR SURLY, My 12-year-old daughter, 'Jenna,' is in the closet -- literally. About a week ago, she moved into her closet. She put her dresser in there, threw some blankets on the floor and that's where she hangs out now. When asked why she doesn't hang out in her room, she says, 'I just like it in the closet.'

Some of her girlfriends claim to be bisexual or gay. Is she telling me that she's 'in the closet' or is she messing with my mind? Some of her friends are into cutting, and Jenna seems to be curious about it. I don't know what to make of any of this. Any advice? -- CONCERNED IN HOUSTON

CONCERNED, she's a KID! Kids do weird stuff for unfathomable reasons. Maybe it's fun like having a fort, or maybe she thinks her room is too big, ventilated or bright. Maybe it is one of those weird kid ways of trying to tell you something, but if you don't get it she'll just gripe to her friends and find another means to communicate. Seems like there's more than one person in your family who needs to grow up.

DEAR SURLY, I have an 11-year-old son who has started having issues with lying -- nothing important, just little things like did he do his chores or brush his teeth.

I also have an alcoholic husband who says and does things he doesn't remember later. When I get conflicting stories from the two of them, I don't know whom to believe.

Don't suggest I leave my husband. It's not financially feasible right now, though it is something I am looking into. -- WHOM DO I BELIEVE IN CALIFORNIA

WHOM DO I BELIEVE, I don't believe you! All kids will go though a lying phase; it's just a way to test their boundries. The problem comes when he learns that lies pay off. Don't delude yourself into thinking that lying doesn't pay--it does. That's why people do it. The only hope you have is to show him the downside. Ask things that can be quantified and/or tested, and call him out when stories mismatch the facts. And try to quit lying to yourself, it's a bad example.

See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100311