DEAR SURLY, I am a medic in the Middle East. I was out on patrol with some of our guys when we were hit with a mortar attack. More than one guy was wounded.
I ran to the first guy and saw that he was hit. He had a wound I knew he wouldn't be able to survive. He pulled a letter from his pocket, put it in my hands and pushed me away. I tried to apply pressure to his wound to slow the bleeding, but he pushed me away again. It was like he was telling me to go to the next man who needed my attention. Everyone survived except him.
At first, I thought I did the right thing by respecting his wishes to help someone I could save. When I got back and talked to his family, they were angry at me for not trying harder to save his life. When I signed up for this job, I knew I wouldn't be able to save everyone, but I am supposed to try my best no matter who it is I am saving.
Was I wrong by going to another man who I could save? Was it wrong of me to take his letter and leave him after he pushed me away twice? Please tell me what you think. -- DOC IN DISTRESS
DOC, of course they are upset. They lost a family member, and they should feel angry and hurt. You need to not take it personally. You're trained to help who you can help, right? You already know that in your job you have to do everything you can so doubts and second guessing doesn't overwhelm you. In this case you knew you couldn't help him. You helped who you could help. It sucks, and it sucks that you have to get the family's grief about it, but it sounds like you did the only human thing you could, so let them do what they do while they grieve, and don't stop helping who you can.
DEAR SURLY, My father is in the early stages of Alzheimer's. While at a family party, my stepmother started talking about how she and Dad had just visited their friends, the Royal Family in England. I assume she thought she was being funny. My poor father was completely confused, but my stepmother continued on with the charade. We all felt uncomfortable and didn't know how to handle the situation. The grandkids felt bad for Grandpop.
I recently learned that my stepmother pretended her friend was his daughter. Dad is confused enough without having to be tricked in this manner. My stepmother is a very complex, challenging woman, and I need to handle this matter very carefully. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. -- SAD ABOUT DAD IN NEW JERSEY
SAD ABOUT DAD, You need to learn how to deliver a proper bitchslap, or if you've got something against violence some sort of verbal equivalent. Why don't you grow a pair and tell her to knock it off? I feel sorry for your dad with Alzheimer's, a depraved wife, and wimpy kid who can't even help him out.
DEAR SURLY, My husband doesn't like his sister. When he drinks beer, he says ugly things about her and starts to cry. When I said she's his only sister and to cut it out, he closed his hands into fists.
I twice tried calling her at 1 a.m., after he fell asleep. Well, our phone bill arrived and her phone number is on it. He's the one who gets the mail, so please answer this in the paper. The bill is due in 10 days. -- PEACEMAKER IN FLORIDA
PEACEMAKER, why the hell would you try to call her when your husband dislikes her so much? Do you know why this resentment exists or are you just being a busybody? Get the bill paid, fess up to your stupid meddling, and butt out.
See Abby's responses at http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100326
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